Lately it seems like my life has been full of these amazing moments and yet it really has been a means to keep myself as busy as possible to eliminate any thinking about where my life is heading or at least where I feel like it’s not heading. Sometimes the continuous strive for more or better is exhausting. Ok maybe lately it’s all the time.
I wonder when am I ever going to be happy with how far I have come and what I have accomplished. It just seems to never be enough for me. And yet I can’t help myself but want more, it’s kind of an act of greediness. I look back and I don’t look at how far I have come I only think about how much further I have to go. And there it is “To Go” What does that mean?
To go up.... To go under...... To go through...... To go on. The answer is not always as easy as the question. I want to know where my life is going, I want to know that I have made it as far as one can go, I want to make a difference for people. I want answers to the questions I have. Will I have all that I want before children? Will all I want be enough? When is my best - my best? Funny I want answers to questions that cannot have answers.
At the end of it I know I want to be better then I am right now. But that has been the same knowing for as long as I can remember. And this becomes a full circle of still not knowing.
So do I try to find some way to let go of not knowing, live a more spontaneous life, put my organizer away and stop planning for a future that I may or may not have control over. I could live my life on destiny, chance, or fate. So much easier to talk about it then doing it.
Maybe in the end knowing is a far better question then an answer. Maybe not knowing is life being destiny.
3 comments:
Ahh... I have to leave a few comments regarding a few missed blogs. First of all - GNR that is awesome. Slash isn't there right? Just like Aerosmith Steve Tyler and Joe Perry - they suck. You guys looked so awesome in your gear. That is too funny that you feel asleep. When I read the time that is was over I instantly thought that I wouldn't have been able to stay up that late either.
Okay Zander is one adorable monster. :) What a peach
Becca looked so beautiful in both those dresses. I think I liked the purple one. And in regards to the last blog - I think you are perfect just they way you are. You have accomplished so much already. Don't kill yourself trying to do everything all in a couple years. You have so much time ahead of you to get ahead and get on top. Enjoy the little things now too! :) Does this make sense? We'll talk more on Saturday - I can't wait to see you
xoxxo Andge
Don't think about how far you have to go or how far you have come (which I must say is a long way and I'm very proud of the women and friend you have become) only think of today. This moment will never come again. You can't do anything about the past so there is not point worrying about it and you don't know what is yet to come so just live for the moment, this moment and enjoy whatever moment your in because it'll never happen again... Love you like crazy....mom
Christy, I have to agree with both Ange and your mom. Wise women they are :) You are an amazing and accomplished woman already with leaps and bounds of potential for whatever path you choose, or whatever path chooses you in the future.
But, I agree with you too, it's part of life to constantly crave answers to the questions that don't have answers.
I love you
Post a Comment