What an eye opener motherhood has been, I will be the first to admit that I may have made assumptions and conclusions (aka judging) about mothers before me. I am here to tell you that it is very rare to have the same pregnancy, labour, birth, baby or motherhood story. And therefore what you have not experienced first hand you cannot completely understand and may I suggest you offer support instead of judgement. Nothing about this process is easy, in fact I like to call it "Rolling with the punches."
Lately I have been feeling judged, I feel like choices and decisions we have made are being scrutinized. I find myself defending everything from formula, breast feeding, co-sleeping, traveling in the car, using a soother, and the no-cry method. I don't know why I defend anything, to be honest Benjamin is the happiest baby ever and if he's happy then I am happy and we must be doing something right... right?
It is unfortunate that we live is a society where everyone feels the need and right to cast judgement on you or that anyone feels they have to justify any choices. I should stand up for my decisions and be strong because right or wrong my mother always told me it's about the follow through. The truth is no one knows the whole story and there is always a bigger picture. I, myself have been caught on judgement because I was unaware of the bigger picture, and because of that for sometime now I have been working on not judging and instead offer a listening ear. It is very hard at first glance to any scenario not to cast judgement, and I have to stop and remind myself that I do not know the whole story. But more importantly that it is non of my business.
In the end everything has a cause and effect, I along with everyone else know that, and if I can live with the effects of my cause then that should be good enough for anyone. Benjamin is who he is because of the choices my husband and I have made to raise him. We are doing the best we can in every way, and that I promise you. So shouldn't that be enough for you? And really why do you care?
Lots of love
Christy and Benjamin
xoxo
2 comments:
Hi Squishy! First comments are like assholes, everyone has one. I think that maybe at times the comments on various things come from people's hearts because they want to help.
Unfortunately these also may come across more like criticisms then helpful suggestions I guess? I know that your family loves you and your beautiful NEW family even more. If things are said that come across negatively I apologize for us all, it wasnt meant to be that way.
Comments from others, I don't know, It looks like you have a great outlook on how to handle things.
Love you and give Ben a big squish for me!
xoxo
Bottom line is you do what you have to do to protect and take care of your child. People will always have an opinion. You're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't. We may all initially raise our kids with different methods but our main goal is all the same - hopefully.
I feel judged by leche moms for giving up on breast-feeding even though i had enough milk to supply an entire nursery ward...it wasn't for me...it hurt...it was painful...that was MY experience and until you've lived a day in my shoes with engorged bleeding breasts then you don't know. Everyone slightly judges; we would all be liars to say we didn't but when it comes to the well being of your child; my advice to you is "in one ear, out the other." Easier said than done - I know. You're doing a great job no matter who believes in what method and who doesn't. I don't believe in co-sleeping - you do. Therefore we should start a war over it. You know? Sooo Silly. Be well, you're an awesome mom, Ben is a healthy happy boy & that's that.
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