Where is life... "to go"?

Lately it seems like my life has been full of these amazing moments and yet it really has been a means to keep myself as busy as possible to eliminate any thinking about where my life is heading or at least where I feel like it’s not heading. Sometimes the continuous strive for more or better is exhausting. Ok maybe lately it’s all the time.

I wonder when am I ever going to be happy with how far I have come and what I have accomplished. It just seems to never be enough for me. And yet I can’t help myself but want more, it’s kind of an act of greediness. I look back and I don’t look at how far I have come I only think about how much further I have to go. And there it is “To Go” What does that mean?

To go up.... To go under...... To go through...... To go on. The answer is not always as easy as the question. I want to know where my life is going, I want to know that I have made it as far as one can go, I want to make a difference for people. I want answers to the questions I have. Will I have all that I want before children? Will all I want be enough? When is my best - my best? Funny I want answers to questions that cannot have answers.

At the end of it I know I want to be better then I am right now. But that has been the same knowing for as long as I can remember. And this becomes a full circle of still not knowing.

So do I try to find some way to let go of not knowing, live a more spontaneous life, put my organizer away and stop planning for a future that I may or may not have control over. I could live my life on destiny, chance, or fate. So much easier to talk about it then doing it.

Maybe in the end knowing is a far better question then an answer. Maybe not knowing is life being destiny.

Prom Season!

As if I didn't feel old enough as it is, my baby sister is graduating high school this year. So I guess you can say this is icing on top of the cake. My little sister is no longer 11 which took me almost 3 years to stop saying. I have begun using anti-wrinkle cream, I have started to wear control top nylons, I cut my hair and gave myself bangs. All signs I'm not ready to grow up. Well besides the fact that I'm so selfish I refuse to even contemplate children. Anyway that's I whole other blog.

I have acquired a grunt when I stand up straight from a bent over position, I apparently watch movies now about old people falling in love (so says my baby sister). And I now have to rotate my bedtimes because I can't be up late two days in a row. :(

All sad and true. So enough about being old and my refusal to grow up lets talk about the PROM!

Ah yes, PROM. Isn't it filled with so much anticipation, and months of envisioning the evening. All from who's going to be your date, to what mode of transportation, who's going to join you in the limo, who's sitting at your table, who's staying in your room ;) Lets be honest though shall we it really all comes down to the DRESS, the SHOES, and of course the HAIR.

Well as the years go bye as much as we change somethings stay the same. This past weekend kicked off the "PROM Dress Shopping" My sisters and I ventured out to all the HOT spots in toronto looking of course for the dress that with fingers crossed you will be the only one wearing that evening. And of course the first ones to buy the dress and describe it too the whole school helps to ensure that you have staked claim to that particular style/color/material.

So with Queen St. completed these are the 2 dresses we have narrowed it down too.

The Adventures of Babysitting

It all starts with a 4 pg letter from your big sister out lining a days schedule from wake up to bed time with all the in-betweens. And so you ask 4 pages thats a lot for a simple out line of times. Well my big sis doesn't leave anything out. She even has the what ifs. Like... If you put him in the car between 10-11 he will sleep. Or he can have Juice, and a Yogurt drink but he has to have at least one cup of milk. If you give him some of your dinner you have to give him small pieces. What I really needed to know was.... because he's teething he may not have a bowel movement for a whole day but when he does look out because he's tummy will eventually get sore, and when it comes out finally it will be pure liquid and you will need a gas mask to clean him up.

In all seriousness it wasn't a bad experience at all, we for the most part enjoyed our bonding time together., And we pretty much played and I tickled him a lot. I love kids when they are hard at laughter. Or when they go in for those big heartfelt hugs. I think as I am typing this I could use a great big hug for my little man.

GNR Concert

How do you know you're at a Guns N' Roses concert?

You have to wait a really long time for the show begin.

And so it went on Thursday night at the Air Canada Centre as a crowd of about 21,000 waited for frontman Axl Rose to begin just over two hours past the scheduled start time - would you believe at 11:25 p.m.? - following sets by homegrown opening acts Danko Jones and Sebastian Bach.

Scenes that occured while we waited;
• Women in the stands - either in various states of undress or making out with each other
• There were boos as the crowd's impatience grew.
• Grown Men puking from consuming to much alcohol
• Security escorting people out almost continuously

The response for his tardiness - "Sorry about the time delay," "We got a little carried away .... last night. But anyway, we're here."

The concert started off with a heavy version of the GN'R classic Welcome To The Jungle.
Other song highlights were no surprise: A fiery, explosion-laced version of Live and Let Die; the GN'R signature song, Sweet Child O' Mine featuring stellar guitar work by Ashba; the heartfelt ballad November Rain with Rose at the piano; the propulsive You Could Be Mine; a great cover of Bob Dylan's Knockin' On Heaven's Door that included an audience singalong; the anthemic Night Train and the show-ending Paradise City complete with more explosions pink confetti and silver streamers. (It's 1:55 a.m when they finally leave the stage although Axl returns to take a bow with his band and distribute shots to some people in the crowd and throw flowers out into the audience.)

Sadly I have to admit that we only made it to 1:15 a.m and missed the end of the show. I look back now and secretly regret my decision, however it is a little bad that I feel asleep in the middle of the concert because of full on exhaustion. It was a great concert I just wish I could have stayed awake.

I was doing a little thinking while we were waiting of all the "performers" I have seen, and since there are a few lists out there I thought maybe I would share my list of concerts I have had the pleasure of attending, so here they are in no particular order;

Aerosmith - Front Row
Brian Adams (x2)
Kim Mitchell
Sass Jordan
Live 8 Concert - (Barenaked Ladies, Blue Rodeo, Bryan Adams, Deep Purple, DMC, Jann Arden, Motley Crue, Our Lady Peace, Sam Roberts, Simple Plan, The Tragically Hip, Tom Cochrane)
MMVA '06 - Center Stage Bracelet (Metric, Hedley, Simple Plan, Fall Out Boy, Nick Lachey, Rihanna, Nelly Furtado)
NKOTB (x2) - Meet and Greet
Donnie Wahlberg (CD Release) - Side Stage
N'SYNC
Canadian Idol - Season 1
Bon Jovi
Gretchen Wilson
Spice Girls
Tina Turner
Def Leppard - Touching Stage
Gun's N' Roses
Mariah Carey (x2) - 5 Rows from Stage (Tuesday Feb, 9th 2010)
Collective Soul (x2) - VIP, Meet & After Party
Suzie McNeil - Olympic Torch Ceremony
Chicago
Van Halen - On The Floor

Other Types of Concert
Jersey Boys
Dirty Dancing
Jerry Seinfeld
Just for Laughs Festival '09 (Briefly, then got rained out)
Jazz Festival '09
David Letterman