Closing out Week 36 - Normally I'm a girl that see's the glass half full. Not that I want to sit here and banter negativity, but I do see it only fair to paint a fair picture of all the ups and downs of my journey.
This week just feels like it keeps going down, and to be honest it's not necessarily a physical down but more emotional. It could be the 5 - 2 (bad - good) sleepless nights or that I am so incredibly BOARD out of my mind. I feel like your told to rest plenty and stay off your feet. First of all, me learning to rest was a feat in itself, secondly rest doesn't make for great company. I have removed myself from my normal hussle and bussle of weekday and weekend visits in an effort to keep my pregnancy more physically comfortable. And I feel like it has resulted in losing a little bit of me... my fun, spirited, social me.
I'm going through the days just willing them to count down faster, and I look forward to the next social outing to come and then panic sets in that I am unable to socialize normally. I am unable to concentrate on conversations, I could be staring right at you hanging on every word and then my mind goes blank and I have no idea where my head went. I feel so terrible to ask what we were just talking about as though I wasn't paying attention or that the conversation wasn't good enough for me, but honest it's not that. As a result I avoid long conversations which just pulls me out of more social settings.
When I do venture out I find myself "preparing" to put on a happy face. And it almost feels like a glaze over my face that freezes my eyes to look warm and content, while I cast a slight smile to give me a soft, delicate glow. At the end of the day if I can get home and no one is non the wiser, then it was a successful day out.
Is this what woman mean, when they ask you if your "DONE" if so then YES! I'm Done.
Just keeping it real.
Lots of Love,
Christy Lynn xoxo
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